Well well well. 5 years into the Deuce Cup and 5 different names on the back of the leather jacket. Take a moment to appreciate the level of mediocrity and how old you are now. Yes indeed gentlemen, yes indeed – you’re 5 years older and just as basic as when you started.
So before we start reviewing those Medicare pamphlets, let’s break down this year’s Deuce Cup draft report card.
King Can: A+
King Can’s draft precision is a thing of beauty. Great keepers, slow rolled bets, willingness to let a player go when over valued, and careful budget management to acquire players when necessary should be studied by MIT degenerates. Boasting 3 top 15 RB’s in Swift, Ekler, and Conner – complimented by AJ Brown and Tyreek Hill, King Can gets the nod for a good draft grade and is poised to win his second Deuce Cup title.
Chalupa Batman: A
Christian McCaffrey and Derrick Henry double penetrating on a weekly basis. Plus, Justin Sherbert to boot.
Rest of Batman’s roster is a complete paper airplane toss but who cares. He drafted a full roster with some high upside WR’s and is in position for a deep playoff run.
Barenaked Cladys: A-
Cladys is all in on the NFC South train and put together a boom or bust, do or die draft. Drafting the oldest roster in the league by a geriatric mile, this owner is still projected with one of the highest point totals for week 1. Cladys house of cards has risk to crash – or the upside to repeat.
Cooper’s Sweaty Kupp: B+
Keeping last years WR1 for $90 was opportunistic in more than just a good name change. Add in a unanimous TE1 who will now be the focal point in the Mahome’s passing attack… Sweaty Kupp is about to get balls deep in the Deuce Cup playoffs.
GodHatesJags: B+
Jags loves a good Chubb and TE with big hands. Especially when surrounded by Zeke, Devante and Mike Williams. Since the start of the Deuce Cup, this owner has put up the most points in a season……. every other season. Jags was shit last year, so if the pattern for this previous title winner holds true, why not this year?
3 Time Toilet Bowl Champion: B
3X TB Champion filled out a full roster with over $250 left in the draft and will still make the playoffs. Lock it in.
Pappy McPoyle: B
The word was out if this Seattle homer would touch any of their offensive players now that Geno Smith is slinging the rock. Pappy answered the question by doubling down on the sea chickens – keeping Rashad Penny for $50 and drafting Lockett for another $55. Completing a full roster gives Pappy bonus points and a decent draft grade, even if an a repeat appearance in the title game is unlikely.
King of the JuJus: B-
Nearly everyone on JuJu’s roster should increase fantasy production from the previous season. JuJu, Lazard, and Allen are all in better offensive situations. If Dak, Harris and Barkley perform at or above expectations for a full season, JuJu will put up points all season long. The question is whether his roster can make it to the…
Dad Therapy: B-
Dad Therapy’s rookie rule held true on draft night – picking up Reddit darlings Damon Pierce, Rashad Bateman, Breece Hall, and James Cook. Keeping Deebo for a cool $50 may have been the keeper of the draft and we loved the Hopkins steal for $50 – but both players have been dealt heading into the first game of the season. Josh Allenour lord savior will need to go HAM if Dad Therapy has a shot at making the title game.
In the Carr Getting an ATJ: C+
If Dalvin Cook and Elijah Mitchell stay healthy – ATJ is going to be in a good position for making the playoffs. He’s loaded at WR and has the GOAT at QB. ATJ has finished every fantasy season outside the top 5 – perhaps this is the year he turns the Deuce Cup doubters into believers.
Idaho Bridge Nutless: C-
Same draft different year. Nutless is going to need some waiver magic to get through bye weeks and any injuries to starters.
Cardi Lee: C-
Cardi Lee’s primary roster spots consist of 2 GB players and 2 Buffalo Bills players. Could be worse teams to bet the house on… but either way Cardi Lee is tempting fate and needs these offenses to put up big points each week – otherwise Cardi Lee may have another trip around the sun with the license plateTM.