Fantasy leagues are like fine wines – they get better with age. The Deuce Cup, being the world’s greatest fantasy football league ever made in the world, is no exception. In 2023, the league ditched the home office draft for a river view suite and a wet bar, setting a new level of fantasy draft bougieness… and alcohol consumption.
So before we have time to question if the bottle of Jack Daniels® or the 3rd run to the pool bar was necessary, pop on the Bleed American album and try not to weep, while we break down this years fantasy draft report card.
Puma Pants: A+
Mr. Commissioner hit the draft in usual style by sticking to his desired targets and quickly outbidding anyone in his path – picking up A listers in Henry, Mahomes, and Waddle. If the Aaron Rogers magic prospers in New York, Garrett Wilson will be the steal and keeper of the draft. Bonus points for a kicker named Dicker, Puma Pants has earned himself a worthy A grade and is a lock for the Deuce Cup playoffs.
Yellin Degenerates: A
Yellin completed the draft with the most RB depth in the league – owning 4 potential RB1’s. Jury’s still out on Jonathan Taylor Thomas and how much playing time he’ll see, but the low price point makes for an intriguing keeper for next year. Doubling down on both Dallas and Seattle offenses could be Yellin’s down fall, or just what the doctor ordered for a second title.
In the Carr gettin ATJ: A
Don’t let the 5 whiskey cokes and beers fool you, ATJ drafted a roster loaded with talent. Boasting a WR combo of Ceedee Lamb and Devante Adams plus a HOF quarterback in Rogers – ATJ could easily blow opponents out on a weekly basis. Deuces wild, 2023 is the year ATJ sees his first title appearance game.
Chalupa Batman: B+
Drafting top 3 studs across the roster will be reassuring heading into the first game of the season. Plus, if Kamara has any life left in New Orleans upon his return from 3 game suspension, Chalupa will have a stacked starting lineup. Question is will he be able to weather the Q/IR tag storm throughout the entire season.
King of the JuJus: B
JuJu drafted the lowest amount of players (5) yet is projected league high 117 points going into week 1. As we’ve seen in drafts before us, this bodes well for about 5 weeks. Until the byes and injuries set in. Still, JuJu will be a formidable force and with a little luck, might just wreck his way through the league… or crash and burn like the rest of em!
Always Good Never Great: B
AGNG changed strategies. Sure his first two picks were rookies but they were expensive rookies. And unlike previous drafts where he was flush with cash heading into the D/ST rounds, this time AGNG found himself in the poorhouse with the rest of us. There’s a lot to prove come week 1 when you rely so heavily on rookie production, but surely Bijan will tie the roster together… right?
God Hates Jags: B
Jags has WR, QB, and TE pieces cemented on his roster for a great season. Gibbs and Jamaal Williams as your top 2 RB options leaves a difficult test for that season. If necessary, a potential trade could send this 0 RB strategist off on a much deserved playoff run.
Team Simpkins: B-
Team Simpkins may be a rookie to The Deuce Cup® but certainly not the NFL or fantasy. Simpkins filled a key owner vacancy slot and drafted like he had been doing it all along. Stacked at WR, he’ll need Justin Fields to take the next step of his career and a massive year from Conner to contend for an inaugural title run.
3X Toilet Bowl Champion: C+
3X TBC never panicked ok there were brief moments. Yet there he was, 5 rounds into the draft with only 2 keepers scribbled into his draft sheet. Quietly he made moves and when the dust settled, 3X TBC walked away with a roster most owners in the league would straight up trade for. If Tua can keep the CTE at bay, 3X TBC will have a legitimate shot at making the playoffs come January.
Front Pew, Right Leg, Hollow: C
Keeping the license plate two years running isn’t an easy thing to stomach. Just ask 3X TBC. There might, however, be a path out of the darkness in Dobbins, Jones, and Diggs. This draft may not win a Deuce Cup title, but it could very well rid the license plate and turn some heads in the process.
King Can: C
Reigning 2x champion drafted 5 less players than last years draft and is going all in on Kellen Moore’s offense in LAC. Depth will likely be an issue down the stretch and begs the question – will this be the first year a reigning champ gets relegated to the license plate?
Barenaked Cladys: D-
Reboot 3 times (you always reboot 3 times), then uninstall. Clady’s lack of WR options and minimal RB/TE talent all but guarantees a slow dumpster fire burn to the toilet bowl®.