For nearly the past year, Joe has had the honor and privilege of wearing The Jacket.
Look what that lead to.
Joe’s name gets embroidered on The Jacket and next thing we know we’re in the midst of a full blown pandemic. Putting Joe’s name on The Jacket was basically like reading from the Book of the Dead and awakening this guy:
Fortunately, Joe is firmly in last place, so by February we’ll have a new name on The Jacket, the curse will be lifted, and we can all go back to living our normal lives.
Without further ado, the playoff power rankings:
6. IntheCARR GettinATJ
Jim snuck into the playoffs by getting to third place in the Protoss division, which is basically the NFC East of the Deuce Cup. As the only team with a losing record at 6-7, Jim is relegated to last place in the playoff power rankings.
Jim is better than his record indicates, however. Jim is actually the fifth best team in terms of points-for, but caught some bad schedule luck and ended up with three fewer wins than did Ross, who had the eighth most points-for in the league this year but somehow managed nine wins. Jim will need some luck to make some noise in the playoffs, but he’s shown that he can blow up on any given week.
5. King Can
Andrew is the only team to make the playoffs at 7-6. Andrew will look to Kirk Cousins or Matthew Stafford down the stretch at quarterback, which has not traditionally been a recipe for success. On top of that, Andrew’s dealing with a raft of injuries. On the other hand, David Montgomery is coming on strong and anything could happen. Andrew is the only league champion in the playoffs this year and is looking to become the first two-time Duececup Champion.
4. Chalupa Batman
An argument could be made that Ross should be at the bottom of the playoff power rankings. Ross comes into the playoffs with the worst points-for of any playoff team, well behind toilet-bowl contenders Lee and Grayson. Justin Herbert put up an absolute clunker in the last game, while Ross’s skill players don’t scare anyone outside of Deandre Hopkins and maybe Tyler Lockett. But hey, wins are wins, and Ross got nine of them, good enough for fourth place in the playoff power rankings.
3. Dad Therapy
Ryan put together another strong season, piling up nine regular season wins. It’s Ryan’s third consecutive season with at least eight regular season wins.
Of the teams who will be playing in the first round of the playoffs, Ryan is probably the most well-balanced team. Ryan has depth at running back, quarterback, and wide receiver. That depth could prove more valuable then ever in the home stretch as COVID continues to rage. This could be the year that Ryan finally breaks through and wins The Jacket.
2. GodHatesJags
FBI Accountant Tolmie started the year on a blistering pace and has kept that pace up for most of the year. Tolmie has the most points-for of any team by far and is coming of a shellacking of Dad Therapy. More importantly, Tolmie won the Protoss Division, earning him a first round bye. Tolmie’s got Aaron Rodgers at quarterback and probably the best 1-2 punch at running back with Dalvin Cook and Nick Chubb. All of that only lead to eight wins for Tolmie, keeping him from the first place spot in the power rankings.
1. Red 7 Red 7 Red SEVEN
Court set a new record for the most regular season wins at eleven, beating the previous record (held by a bunch of people) of nine wins. Court’s coming in with a nine game winning streak, also a Deucecup record (beating Lee’s mark of seven games). Court has the second most points-for in the league and has a roster loaded with players who can single-handedly win any given game for him: Derrick Henry, Patrick Mahomes, and Stefon Diggs. If Ezekiel Elliot returns to form at all, Court could be hard to stop.
Good luck to all the teams in the playoffs and to those teams looking to avoid a dumpster fire at the end of the season.
Projected title game: Red 7 Red 7 Red SEVEN vs. GodHatesJags
Projected winner: Red 7 Red 7 Red SEVEN
Projected league loser: Zues’ Butthole
From first to worst: Joe spent half his budget on Saquon Barkley who promptly got injured, and Joe never recovered, putting up the worst points-for in the league by a mile. Joe earned a first round bye in the toilet bowl and is projected to display the license plate this year. Don’t sleep on Kyle, though, who set a record this year with the longest losing streak in league history and who also earned the first round bye.
Eric also has an outside shot at being forced to display the license plate with the second worst points-for in the league, though he’ll have one more chance that Kyle or Joe to get out of the toilet bowl running.
The funniest outcome would by far be Grayson losing yet again. Despite leading the division midway through the season, Grayson missed out on the playoffs by losing three in a row to end the year. If Grayson manages to lose another three, he’ll be driving around with that license plate yet again.