God Hates Jags: A+
Jags finished the 2018 regular season as the #1 ranked team and failed to make it to the Championship game. (pause) He doubled down in 2019 by keeping two WR’s from that same team and added Delvin Cook and Leveon Bell to the mix. The word is still out if Leveon’s going to put up similar numbers as he did in Pittsburg and whether or not Cook will play for a full season – but that core could put up some serious points each week.
Team Toy: A+
Toy’s aggressive bidding strategy throughout the draft (especially to lock up Marlon Mack against Dad Therapy) looks to have paid off. Michael Thomas and Mike Evans are a strong WR duo and if David Montgomery can find a way to silence Cohen out of snaps, Team Toy will be in tip-top shape going into the regular season.
Chalupa Batman: A
Walking into the draft with two starting RB’s and $850 to spend is what Action Bronson calls, “Fuck that’s delicious.” Sony Michel and Devante Adams seem poised for monster seasons, and the keeping value for Josh Jacobs means we’re buying what Chalupa Batman’s selling going into the 2019 season.
Team Coman: A-
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he drafted 5 starting RB’s and one of them (RIP Lamar Miller I love you) tore his ACL. That still leaves Zeke, Gurley, Henry, and Duke Johnson who just took over for you know who mentioned above. Julian Edelman is going to see a stupid amount of targets and Drew Brees is still the fucking man. Had Coman drafted another WR1, this could have been one of the best drafts in the league.
Idaho Bridge Nutless: B+
The names on Nutless’ roster have potential to be title winning point scorers. Odell Beckham, Antonio Brown, Sequan Barkely, and Joe Mixon is not a core group of players you walk away from a draft wanting a re-do. The problem for Nutless going into the season, is he has virtually no one on the bench to replace them with. This Bridger D-O-G-G is banking on his super stars performing all season.
King Can: B+
Not surprisingly, King Can had one of the most well rounded drafts of the league. He drafted fantasy’s highest ranked QB, WR, TE and a potential top 5 RB should Melvin Gordon decide to play in LA. Mark Ingram at Baltimore has the dark horse value to score 10+ TD’s and take King Can back to the top of the throne.
Cardi Lee: B
Outside of Cardi Lee keeping Travis Kelce for a bit more $$$ than most owners would feel comfortable drafting him for, he quietly smoked his marijuana cigarette and put together a nice little roster. Aaron Rogers, Devonte Freeman, Leonard Fournette, and the aforementioned Kelce will be a force to be reckoned with in the Protoss division.
Dude McNasty’s House of Hoors: C
The Dude spent big time money on Mccaffrey, Deseaun Watson, and…. Jared Cook. But as the saying goes, “You can’t take your imaginary auction money with ya!” The big spending early meant The Dude’s Highness was left to reach for WR2’s such as Cooper Kupp and TY Hilton – both of which have about the same excitement as the WNBA. If Zeke holds out for any games this season, his Pollard pick should work out nicely. Otherwise, Dude McNasty may be in for a long season and potentially even longer race come summer 2020.
Dad Therapy: C-
Dad Therapy was on a budget in 2019. Or so it appeared until he started shelling out the big bucks for sleeper WR’s and RB’s in the 5th round. James Conner, Kerryon Johnson, and Derrius Guice will provide his roster some points each week, but this roster full of patience is average at best.
Cherno Alpha: C-
While the reigning champ had some money to work with coming into the draft ($900), the majority of his cash flow was spent on far reaching sleepers and Arizona offensive players. Cherno Alpha will need some help to get back to the big dance come December.
Bye Week: D+
Bye Week started the draft right where last season left off – running frantically trying to find a resemblance of a team. Brandin Cooks and Ju-Ju provide a nice little WR 1-2 punch, but starting Royce Freeman, Rashad Penny, or Jordan Howard leaves a lot to be desired. Bonus points to Bye Week for drafting Mattison… he’ll need all the bonus points he can get going into the regular season.
Barenaked Cladys: D-
Spending 1/3 of available auction money on single player is a lesson that’s learned the hard way. Cladys was forced to spend money on mediocre WR’s and left the draft without a QB/TE/DST or a bench to write home about. If Clady’s had thoughts about making it back to the Championship game, he might as well go hit Cardi Lee’s magic peace pipe and kiss that dream goodbye. This was a draft to forget for Clady’s.