Another successful draft in the books. Some of you made it out alive, others well, not so much. No matter, it will all be irrelevant in a few days when the season begins. But in case you need reassurance (or lack thereof) in your drafted team, the draft grades are below:
Dude McNasty’s House of Hoors: C-
Dude McNasty kept McCaffrey, but that was the only real positive takeaway for the commish. The Dude is banking on the resurgence of Jimmy Graham and big scores from Baldwin. JAX D/ST helps this from being a total dumpster fire, but no one’s loving a team with 3 rostered Browns players. Yikes.
Cherno Alpha: B+
Walking into the draft with a cool $890 to spend never hurts, especially when you have an RB1/WR2 already rostered. With the addition of Michael Thomas, Keenan Allen, and Kenny Stills, Cherno may have the best WR depth in the league.
Barenaked Cladys: A-
Cladys finished the night with 3 top 15 RB’s, and a top 5 QB. If Amari Cooper finds his ’15/’16 form, Clady’s could have himself a year.
Team Coman: C+
Coman’s motto for this draft: “C is passing.” Demaryius Targaryen and Golden Tate will put up numbers every week, but whether or not they’ll win shootouts is the question. Gordon and Lynch provide a nice 1-2 punch but Coman needs Matt Ryan to bounce back to a top 5 finish.
Team Toy: D+
Aaron Rogers and Greg Olsen may very well score half of Toy’s points each week. If that averages around ~40 points, Toy might be in trouble.
King Can: A-
The reigning champ is going for the deuce. The big deuce. The whole enchilada deuce. The big nasty so god damn smelly post enchilada deuce. His roster is loaded with Gurley, Hopkins, Evans, and Robinson. If Chris Carson is able to find a fracture of a running lane in Seattle, King Can might just get that deuce.
GodHatesJags: C
Jags doubled down on two starting QB’s, two starting TE’s, and two Freemans. Two fuckin Freemans.
Idaho Bridge Nutless: D+
While the picks were pretty decent, Bridger has some waiver work to do.
Team Hunt: D
Mark Ingram may go on to have a great year after suspension, but unfortunately for Team Hunt, it also means there’s still 6 games where Adrian Peterson is slotted in as his RB2. Team Hunt’s RB depth is what my wife would call Code Blue, or in other words, cardiac arrest.
Bye Week: D
Up until the 3rd round of the draft, Bye Week was having a bye draft. Regardless, the picks of Fuller, Cooks, and Flash Gordon make for a nice arsenal of WR’s going into the season.
Chalupa Batman: B+
Lining up the best WR duo in The Deuce Cup with Brown and Beckham, Chalupa also rostered Fournette and Russel Wilson. It will suck to be any owner that plays Chalupa when all 4 of them go HAM. You will lose by 50.
Dad Therapy: B+
Dad Therapy is seeking revenge. The revenge of the baby sat Calvin and Hobbes shit. With the starters of Bell, McCoy, Hilton, and JuJu Smith-Schuster, Dad Therapy is jumping into the ring a heavy weight contender.
