Well done retards. Another pandemic draft in the books. Gone are the days of owners blowing budgets early and banking on the waiver wire for league success. Just kidding. More than two thirds of owners failed to fill a starting roster going into waiver Saturday.
Without further ado, let’s dive into this year’s fake news with the Deuce Cup draft report cards.
Chalupa Batman: A+
Stud RB and WR’s, check. Full roster with decent bench depth, check. Michael Thomas flyer for $25, check. What isn’t there to like about Chalupa Batman’s draft?
God Hates Jags: A
If there’s one owner who consistently puts himself in position to win titles, it’s the league winner from last year: God Hates Jags. Even though he spent big on keepers and has to burn a waiver on D/ST, his core team is capable of putting up the most points in the league… again.
Barenaked Cladys: A-
Clady’s original keepers scratched due to injury, but he still managed to pull off a decent starting lineup. If Josh Allen puts up similar numbers as last year, look for Clady’s to make a playoff berth in the Protoss division.
King Can: A-
King Can could start an Alabama offense and is loaded at WR depth. RB’s may be an issue late in the season, but a trade acquisition could ease any future hurdles and give this previous league winner a shot at his second title.
Just a Trash Ass Team: B+
Perennial license plate holder Just a Trash Ass Team found decent success in the 2021 draft by picking up loads of WR talent. He does, however, have to deal with the reality of drafting two starting QB’s and TE’s. Still, a full roster was enough to justify a good draft grade and a potential outlook of shaking the license plate once and for all.
Flock of Leegulls: B+
Maybe the 50mg of cherry weed soda was the catalyst Leegulls was missing all along. This owner drafted a formidable team consisting largely of Green Bay players and last year’s best fantasy player in Derrick Henry. If Rodgers sends Green Bay to an NFC playoff game, there’s a good chance this owner see’s his first playoff birth in the Deuce Cup.
Red Seven Red Seven Red SEVEN: B
In the history of the league, spending half your budget on a single player rarely bodes well. Ask previous Johnson, McCaffrey, and Barkley owners. Regardless, Red Seven set the Deuce Cup record with his purchase of McCaffrey to the tune of $430. In an otherwise forgetful draft, his pair of potent WR’s and steal of a QB makes this title winning hopeful a favorite in the Zerg division.
In the Carr getting an ATJ: B-
ATJ got to round 5 of the draft, saw RB’s missing from the roster sheet, and panic drafted 3 straight low-tier RB’s. Kelce and Metcalf make great keepers, but with the price paid for Mahomes ($280), ATJ doesn’t have a lot to lean on late in the season. Win a bunch of games ATJ will, win a postseason game ATJ will not.
Dad Therapy: B-
Things to like about Dad Therapy’s draft: Keeper options for next year. Things to dislike: Washington Football Team reliance. Sure, McLaurin and Gibson are special talents and will be just fine from a fantasy perspective – but Dad Therapy has too much WFT, Chicago, and Cincinnati stock to feel confident about big offensive production every week.
Carla Was the Prom Queen: C
Prom Queen spent roughly 2/3 of his budget on 4 RB’s and failed to fill a starting roster. Tannehill is a low risk flyer, but the word is still out on Mixon and Carson is made of glass. Prom Queen will need a little luck and waiver wire magic to have any sort of shot at a playoff birth in Zerg.
Idaho Bridge Nutless: C-
The classic Idaho Bridge Nutless draft formula is a thing of beauty. Efficient, precise, and gone in 60 seconds. There’s always the “oohh, ahhh” moment when browsing Nutless’ draft sheet at the end of the night. The names of Barkley, Lamb, and Jefferson jump out and scream total domination. And then the empty roster slots begin to appear through the foggy, drunken lens with the realization he only drafted 6 players. The old adage “don’t fix it if it ain’t broke” may be the play for Nutless, although, we’re not sure this strategy ever worked to begin with.
Joes Fantasy Football Team: D+
Mr. Commissioner found tough sledding going into the 2021 draft with last minute remote baby duty. Completing a starting roster was admirable given the circumstances, but no doubt JFFT would like another crack at it.
Projected Title Game: Barenaked Cladys vs Chalupa Batman