Whew. My balls are getting sweaty just thinking about Josh Gordon and Tom Brady together. Add Tyreek, Kareem, and Mahomes to the list, and you’ve got yourself a good ole fashioned NFL dick slap parade. But in all honesty, for the first time in a long time, the NFL feels exciting again. Teams that have sucked for years are finally scoring at will, and teams that have sucked for years and not scoring at will (ie. the Bills) still have fans smashing tables…
…even if it’s no longer allowed. So as we coast into the halfway point of the season, let’s stop and smell the roses with the week 6 awards.
Juggernaut
GodHatesJags – 123.5 points
Jag’s notched his first Juggernaut award of the season, but picked up his 5th win which is enough for first place in the league. While Jag’s isn’t blowing teams out of the water each week, he certainly looks the part to make a strong push into the playoffs. If Thielen and Hill can continue chunking 100+ yards and multiple touchdowns on weekly basis, Jags may be the front runner to win it all.
Shit Kicking
GodHatesJags – 123.5 – 95.9 over Chalupa Batman
Chalupa Batman needed a monster game. To be fair, Chalupa Batman can’t afford to not have a monster game. Unfortunately for him, Jags exploded with Tyreek Hill tallying 3 touchdowns and 140 yards to shit kick batman into last place.
Butt Pucker
Team Toy – 96.3 – 88.4 over Cherno Alpha
There’s nothing worse than losing to the league’s dumpster fire team in a Butt Pucker matchup. But that’s what you get when you start Blake Bortles and leave 45 points on the bench. A big tally in the L column. Team Toy sat and grinned while he watched Aaron Rogers throw for over 400 yards and run for 30 at Lambeau Field on Monday to secure his second win of the season. Week 6 was a huge for both Green Bay and Team Toy.
Blue Balls
King Can – 47.5 points
King Can left almost 30 points on the bench from 2 Chicago Bears players alone. He’ll look to bounce back against his brother in week 7.
Good luck in week 7 gents.