And just like that, the season is halfway over. For some of you, it’s one step closer to a playoff birth and the Deuce Cup Jacket. For others, its a painful reminder that there’s still 6 more weeks of agonizing defeats, crappy Chili’s chicken crispers, and explosive diarrhea. So in case you blacked out through the first 7 weeks of the season, here are some noteworthy developments in the league thus far.
Dumpster fire team remains a mystery – It’s not that the league hasn’t attempted to produce a dumpster fire team this year, it’s that there’s too many candidates to choose from. Dude McNasty put up a whopping 50 points in week 1 and looked destined for the smelly title, but Team Toy consistently under performed with some horrific losses. Chalupa Batman’s 1-5 start to the season would normally be convincing of the title, however, his team has scored less than 90 points only once this season – which doesn’t necessarily scream dumpster fire. Bye Week is certainly living up to his username, dropping the last 4 games and failing to score over 84 points in either of those 4 contests. Bye Week could easily be 1-6 and leading the dumpster fire race. Cherno Alpha has the potential to outscore even GodHatesJags on some days, but turned around and started Blake Bortles back to back weeks. Like who the fuck starts Blake Bortles? Dumpster fire teams start Blake Bortles. So just for kicks and giggles, let’s take a league dumpster fire poll!
[Total_Soft_Poll id=”1″]
GodHatesJags is the outright favorite – In week 7, Jags set the Deuce Cup record for most points scored in a single matchup. He’s managed over 100 points in 5 out of 7 games this season and he’s only lost once. He’s the last guy I want to face come December.
Cardi Lee and Team Coman are the surprise dark horses – Cardi Lee is sitting second in Protoss and Team Coman is sitting first in Zerg. What else is there to say? They’re both dominating their opponents week in and week out. A few more wins for either team will almost guarantee them a playoff birth.
Team Toy’s Not Dead Yet – DING DONG
Lots left to play for in 2018, so let’s get started with the week 7 awards.
Juggernaut
GodHatesJags – 163 points
Back to back Juggernaut awards is pretty sweet. So is setting the Deuce Cup single week scoring record by blasting 163 points past Dad Therapy. Seriously though, that’s a fuck ton of points. Week 7’s Juggernaut award is well deserved.
Here’s a quick breakdown of total Juggernaut awards through the halfway point:
GodHatesJags – 2
Dad Therapy – 1
Dude McNasty’s House of Hoors – 1
Barenaked Cladys – 1
Team Coman – 1
Chalupa Batman – 1
Shit Kicking
GodHatesJags – 163 – 70.1 over Dad Therapy
I’m not sucking Jag’s dick any more this week. He shit kicked the piss out of Dad Therapy by almost 100 points and set the Juggernaut record in the process. Nicely done Tolmie.
Butt Pucker
Team Coman – 70.4 – 70.2 over Dude McNasty
Team Coman appears to like the butt stuff…. aaaaannnd apparently so does Dude McNasty. Who would have thought? I don’t know who’s worse off in this situation but it ain’t a good place to be regardless. This is the second butt pucker of the season decided by 0.2 points (with Team Coman involved in both matchups going 1-1). What. A. Doozy.
Blue Balls
GodHatesJags – 55 points
You know the guy who set the record for most points scored in a single game this season? Yeah… that guy also left 55 points on the bench. FML
Good luck in week 8 gents.